Handling your grief
The process of mourning is not a disease, but it may provoke illness. Mourning is a natural reaction to loss and every human being is born with the ability to mourn. Mourning and death are still a taboo within our sociaty and many people have unlearned how to mourn.
The creative expression of grief, the possibility to transform life impeding into life stimulating grief the individuals concerned may regain their liveliness. A farewell in awareness may help to keep a vivid picture oft he dead child in your heart that will never get lost.
When time alone doesn’t heal the wounds…
A child dying is probably the worst loss for parents. The unexpected death is accompanied by the feeling of having lost the common future. Pregnancy cannot be carried on to its end and the first cry of the baby will not be heard. The mothers concerned can never breast feed their babies. The parents have to accept that they will not see their child grow, they will not experience when it starts going to school nor when it enters puberty and finally gets an adult. Suddenly the aim in their life is missing – a crisis of identity might be the result. This means that the actual grief is accompanied by the grief of having lost the common life with their child.
Mothers who experience a miscarriage or stillbirth often feel guilty for what has happened or fear that they might have made a mistake (not having loved the baby as much as they should have, not yet having felt like a mother, having misjudged preliminary symptoms,…). Sometimes a baby dies when the mother has just fully accepted her pregnancy. Perhaps the mother had even thought about not getting the baby at all before. These mothers sometimes develop the feeling of not having a right to mourn for their child.